Today I promise never to delete old posts.never to delete no matter how bad i feel about how i had felt at the time that i had written it. Cause i know there is no future in this, no future in "us" and yet today i so hope that there would be some.
Because sometimes I wish that night would not come and studies wouldn't be there and i could go on and on typing nondescript details about myself and my feelings into that small phone screen.
Because somehow you make me feel worthless and awesome at the same time..
you are so good that i feel so infinitesimally small in front of you. and at other times I feel so good and appreciated that i sit and smile and radiate light maybe for hours at a stretch.
And again, rest of the time i feel like learning more, participating more, reading more, observing more just to be able to converse intelligibly with you.
It feels weird because nobody had ever appreciated me so completely for who i am and given me reasons to grow more instead of being too full of myself. and its extremely strange and disturbing to have all these conflicting emotions and feelings for/centered around one single human being.
and yet i am thankful that i came up in the scenario to be invited to jheel parties.
And yet i don't know what doom/happiness lay at the end of this particular tunnel.
yes, it is abrupt and confusing. but you already know me enough to understand the reason behind it.
Because sometimes I wish that night would not come and studies wouldn't be there and i could go on and on typing nondescript details about myself and my feelings into that small phone screen.
Because somehow you make me feel worthless and awesome at the same time..
you are so good that i feel so infinitesimally small in front of you. and at other times I feel so good and appreciated that i sit and smile and radiate light maybe for hours at a stretch.
And again, rest of the time i feel like learning more, participating more, reading more, observing more just to be able to converse intelligibly with you.
It feels weird because nobody had ever appreciated me so completely for who i am and given me reasons to grow more instead of being too full of myself. and its extremely strange and disturbing to have all these conflicting emotions and feelings for/centered around one single human being.
and yet i am thankful that i came up in the scenario to be invited to jheel parties.
And yet i don't know what doom/happiness lay at the end of this particular tunnel.
yes, it is abrupt and confusing. but you already know me enough to understand the reason behind it.
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